Hangovers are the Easy Part
by Yuki Snow and Silver Ganymede
Summary: HaruKyo. If I learned anything from that night it's never to go out drinking with Haru again: especially not if he's going to end up in another French maid's outfit...


Disclaimer: We do not own Fruits Basket.

Hangovers are the Easy Part  
By Yuki Snow and Silver Ganymede

I have now officially decided that I hate Saturdays; there's nothing to do, nothing at all. I can't even fight the damn rat and prove that I _am_ the better of us two; he's too busy with Tohru now for that. What the hell is up with that? I mean come on, how did he manage to pull a girl when he's so plainly gay? But then again how have I _not _got a girlfriend when I'm so clearly straight? Who gives a damn really? I roll my eyes at the ceiling as I think this, then glower at whatever crap is blaring at full volume from the television. It's then that my lamenting is interrupted when the door slams open and Shigure bounces into the room. How can he be so hyper at his age? I mean come on, he must have to practice being such a perverted idiot; it can't _possibley _come naturally… can it?

"Kyoooo-kun," he trills, his voice sounding scarily like Kagura's as he does so. Gods I hate Kagura at times; I mean come on, if I didn't have her dangling off my arm all the bloody time I might actually be in with a chance of getting a date…

"Kyo!" Shigure is talking at me again. "Are you paying any attention to me at all?"

"Since when have you ever said anything worth paying attention to?" I sneer at him: he just grins stupidly in return, which I must say is extremely infuriating…

"You look even more spaced out than usual this evening," comes a voice that's definitely not Shigure's. I turn around and see that Haru is leaning against the wall behind me. His face is plastered in make-up and he's wearing an outragous get-up that makes him look like some sort of rent boy: what the hell is he playing at, coming here like that?

"You seem mystified as to why I'm here," Haru says.

"Shouldn't I be?" I ask.

"You've forgotten then," he sighs. _Haru _sighing at _me _for _forgetting _something: okay then, what is up with this?

"Forgotten _what_?" I ask, wondering what might possibly be going on that I seem to have fogotten: it can't be anything like a party at the main house; he wouldn't be dressed like a backstreet whore if it was that.

"We're going clubbing," Haru smirks at me. "Don't tell me you really _have _forgotten."

And that's when it all comes flooding back…

* * *

"_Kyo!" a voice calls and I spin round, glaring at whoever's interrupting me while I'm trying to get the shopping done as quickly as possible. The person in question just happens to be Haru and he's grinning like a maniac. Oh good grief, what's he gonna do now…_

"_Kyo, are you busy next Saturday?" he asks and I blink. That wasn't what I was expecting but hey, so long as I don't have to clobber his butt; I'm not in the mood to do that to anyone other than the baka rat now. _

"_Nope," I reply. "I'm free so far as I know. Why?"  
__  
"Do you wanna come out drinking with me?" he asks. "I know a really good club at the other end of town."_

_I shrug, "Sure I'll come." I'm so pissed off now that I think a few stiff drinks will do me good, especially if everything keeps going wrong like it is now…_

"_Great," Haru grins at me. "I'll see you there then. Bye!" He runs off.

* * *

_Oh shit…whatever possessed me to agree to going clubbing with Haru? Still even that would be better than staying here and dying of boredom, right?_Right? _Oh who cares, we may as well go; it could be fun, maybe.

"Right, good," Haru grins. "I can tell you want to come with me. Still, you can't go out in that getup."

What? I don't even have time to open my mouth when Haru's started to drag me upstairs. Soon enough we're in my room and he's dumped the bag he had with him on my bed.

"What's in there?" I ask, pointing to the bag and almost dreading what might be in there. I did _not_ want to know what was in there.

"Decent clothes," came Haru's reply. "And makeup."

Oh fuck…

* * *

Okay now I'm seriously beginning to doubt my own sanity. I should never have agreed to this in the first place; Haru has just dragged me half-way round the city in a tight leather get-up that makes me look like a rent-boy, and I have enough makeup on my face to paint my room with. To cut a long story short I look like I'm gay, and I am most definitely _not _gay!

It's then that Haru draws to a halt just outside a club. He shoves something into my hand and I give him a confused look, wondering what the heck it is.

"It's fake I.D." came the reply, "just in case we need them. I really doubt we will though; they never check in this sort of place. Come on."

We walk towards the club, a grotty little establishment. There's no queue outside, nor any lights or signs of any kind to show that it's actually a club. It's then that I wonder whether this place is actually legal, but oh well; there's nothing wrong with underground clubs, is there?

Haru mutters some sort of password to the guy loitering outside then he grabs my arm and leads me inside. I wouldn't usually have minded this, but considering the clothes we're in… ergh. He is _not _my boyfriend and I am _not _gay, though I'm seriously having doubts about Haru's sexuality right now…

He leads me down a set of rickety stairs when we enter the club and we're greeted by the smell of stale, second-hand smoke and sweat mingling with the alcohol that seems to have permanently tinted the air in places like this. Haru then leads me over to the bar and buys us whatever drinks he feels like. He downs three shots before I've even started on mine. Uh-oh; I have the feeling that this is going to be a _very _long night…

* * *

This is bloody brilliant; Haru's completely pissed out of his skull and now he's disappeared. I bet he's in the toilets chucking his guts up but I guess it's his own fault is he is, the moron. I'm just leaning against the wall just by the bar, a drink clasped in one hand as I wait. I finish it off and just shove the glass down on the bar again. I grin slightly; this is more fun than being stuck in Shigure's house watching television and dying of boredom. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all…

The next thing I know, Haru's reappeared from wherever he vanished to in the first place. Something looks different but wha… Oh god I think I must be having a nightmare – either that or I've been transported into one of the damn dog's smut novels. Sohma Haru is a _guy_, and said guy happens to be wearing a _French maid's outfit_. What the fuck is he – not – thinking? I mean I know we've both had a fair bit to drink but jeez, isn't this going a bit too far?

He's sauntered right over to me now and I can see him smirking; yep, my theory was right; Haru definitely goes black when he drinks too much; after all only Ayame or Shigure would do that when sober… or the baka rat when he's been bribed by fangirls… But seriously, white Haru's got to be one of the sanest guys I've met… but black, well… _Why did I agree to this in the first place_? Am I nuts or something?

I open my mouth to say something but I never get the chance; before I know it he's got me pressed up against the wall and is tracing his finger over my lips.

"Let's have some fun, shall we, neko?" he practically purrs: if I didn't know better I'd think the purring was meant to take the piss out of the fact that I'm the cat, but then again black Haru's never had much of a sense of humour so I doubt that's it…

I don't have much time to dwell on much as I'm broken out of my thoughts when I feel something brush my lips. Then it hits me; Haru's kissing me. Okay now I _know_ he must be completely wasted: for one thing Haru would never normally do this, and for another he tastes like a mixture of I don't know how many spirits. Hang on a minute, why I am thinking about what he tastes like, dammit! And why am I letting him make out with me in the first place? We're both guys for crying out loud and I don't know about Haru but _I'm not gay_ I _know_ I'm not: I like _girls _for goodness sake! But then again… why am I actually enjoying this? I think for a second it might be because Haru's dressed like a girl, but I know it's not.

He pulls away from me and smirks: "Did you enjoy that, Kyo-kun?"

I just nod in reply: I doubt it matters if I tell him the truth seeing as he probably won't remember a thing tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning… shit, what happens if we get found out by anyone? I really don't feel up to explaining this if we get caught.

I grab Haru's wrist and begin to pull him away from the main part of the club and into a side room I've seen before; we have to get him out of this bloody French maid's outfit as soon as possible! Luckily it's empty… on second thought maybe that's not so lucky considering the _look _he's giving me.

"So you _do _want to take this further, you just didn't want the audience," he licks his lips, "I understand."

Which is, of course, when he pulls me down and decides to sit on top of me, still with that _look _in his eyes. He leans in again but I push him away just as his lips brush against mine again and he forces his tongue into my mouth. He tastes even more potently of alcohol now; it's making me feel ill. I shove him away as hard as I can.

"What did you bring me in here for if you don't want to do anything?" he asks, smirking as he licks his lips again.

"I brought you in here for you to take that," I gesture at his outfit, "off."

"Well perhaps I was wrong; maybe you _do _know how to have fun after all. But why don't you take it off for me, hmm? Or do you actually _like _being uke?"

Uke? _Uke_? Okay this really has gone too far now! I am not I repeat **_not _**uke, dammit!

"Screw you, Haru," I spit.

"Please do," he's purring now; jeez, if I didn't know better I'd think _he _was the cat! Hang on a minute, 'please do'? Did he actually just say that? He's making a move on me _again_ and _still _has that disturbing _look _on his face.

"I didn't mean it literally," I snap at him. Oh crap, why is my face getting hot? Why am I blushing? Blushing, dammit, I d_o not_ blush!

"Oh Kyo-kins, you really _are_ uke," Haru tuts and I glower at him darkly.

"And you're a drunken idiot, but I guess that can't be helped either," I mutter darkly.

"Now take the dress off."

"Ah, getting all seimei now I see."

I shake my head; I can't believe this. Whoever would have known that Haru, _Haru_ of all people, is a complete and utter nymphomaniac? I mean if it had been that damn dog I wouldn't have been surprised, but seriously Haru is one of the last people I would have expected to be like this, even if he is pissed out of his skull right now. Well, if he doesn't seem to understand what I mean by 'take the dress off', I guess I'm going to have to rephrase it a bit.

"Haru, where are the clothes you were wearing earlier?"

"What do you want to know that for?" he asks, and evil glint in his eye, "Isn't this outfit cute enough for you?"

Oh for crying out loud, this is just too much… I am never going to call Shigure a pervert again… okay, maybe I will, but seriously…

"Just tell me where your clothes are!" I snap at him.

"I lost them," he shrugs.

"Oh right… what!"

"You heard me, I lost my clothes. I really don't know where they are right now." Man if it wasn't for the fact he still had that _look _in his eyes I would have thought he'd turned white again… sadly not; no one could sober up that much so quickly… unless of course he wasn't actually drunk… which would contradict everything that happened just now. Okay, fine, he's drunk and he's lost his clothes but I need to get him out of here _now_: well, I guess there's only one thing to do.

"What are you doing?" Haru asks as I pull him to his feet.

"Getting you home," I reply. Maids outfit or no, there's no way I'm letting him stay here any longer seeing as how utterly plastered he's become.

"But why?" he asks as we walk out of this side room and through the main part of the club, "Can't I just have one more drink? Please?"

"No," I reply, rolling my eyes, "We're going home." I shove him up the stairs in front of us, noticing that the men sprawled round there don't seem in the least surprised by Haru's antics. Oh god, please tell me he doesn't do this often! Or maybe these guys aren't surprised because they're so drunk they've passed out… yeah, that would be it.

Now we're out on the street, the night air welcoming and cool after the cramped heat of the club. It's dark now but I'm not surprised; we were in there for hours after all. I grab Haru's wrist as he trips, yes, trips, and we start to walk back to Shigure's. Maybe he'll have sobered up slightly by then, right? Then he trips again and I have to grab him around the waist to stop him falling flat on his face; I swear if he wasn't so drunk I'd think he'd planned it that way.

"Home. Now," I snap at Haru and grab his wrist to stop him wandering off.

"Do we get to have fun when we're home?"

Oh gods, won't he just shut up? Obviously not, considering that he doesn't stop talking for more than a millisecond at most. When are we gonna get back? Back! We're back! Finally!

I have to pull Haru up the steps behind me as we go inside; he seriously looks like he's going to collapse but I guess it's his own fault, right? We walk into the living room and I try to shut the door quietly behind me, but it closes with a very loud bang. Luckily no one wakes up; I'd have to kill anyone who saw us down here like this, I mean seriously, they'd think we'd been up to something and I really don't know about Haru but _I'm not gay_. I think. What do I mean 'I think'? I just want to punch something now I really do… like the damn rat's face for instance.

I look around and see that Haru's spread-eagled over the sofa: he's passed out already! Well I guess I really did bring him home at the right time… I sigh and sit down next to him; I feel like passing out but I can't. After all, what if Shigure catches us like this… what if he…

* * *

I feel fucking sick. I seriously do; it's not even funny. The room is spinning round and there are two Shigures there. Add to that the fact that the inside of my mouth feels like the inside of your sneakers after you've been to the beach… Hang on a minute, two Shigures? Shigure? Fuck! I sit up straight but immediately regret it as my head growls in protest, as does my stomach. Gods I feel so ill…whatever…at least this is better than last night…

Shigure is laughing his head off at something, though I'm still not entirely sure what that 'something' may be. Then I look over and see Haru: Haru asleep next to me: Haru asleep next to me in a _French maid's outfit. _Oh shit.

As I think this Haru sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He looks like he's going to vomit. He fixes his eyes first on Shigure, then on me, and then on the outfit he's in.

"I was drunk last night, wasn't I?" he asks. I nod in reply and he groans; "please tell me I didn't try to make out with you…"

I feel myself flushing at this and turn away as quickly as possible; I don't want to discuss this, especially not with the damn dog here! Shigure however is laughing his head off.

"Well I always knew you liked guys, Haru, but I didn't think _you _were gay, Kyo."

"I'm _not _gay!" I hiss at him.

"Of course you're not," Shigure grins at me and I sneer at him.

"You know what, Shigure?"

"What?"

"If this hangover hadn't already done me in, I would have killed you by now for this."


End file.
